Dear Joe,
I've always wondered about what I really wanted. Being in a relationship for four years now, I thought I couldn't ask for more.
Joe, I have been the perfect girlfriend all this time. Until that fine evening when, in the middle of dinner, he blurted out "Will you marry me?" It felt like everything was falling into place. Of course, I said yes.
So, we went on with the planning, but as we moved on from the wedding date to the place and reception, somebody suddenly woke me from my dream-and my fairytale turned into a nightmare.
My boyfriend is a very responsible man. He is sweet and I'm sure that he loves me. But I'm just not sure if he loves me all that much. For years I have been convincing myself that he is the one, though my friends and close relatives told me that he's not good enough for me. He's cheated on me thrice and even left me once when he thought that he was falling in love with another woman. In the end, he went back to me and I immediately accepted him with open arms. There was this one time when a close colleague asked me, "What was the sweetest thing your boyfriend has ever done for you?" Believe it or not, I still have no answer to that question.
Joe, they say a relationship requires three main ingredients-respect, trust and love. In my relationship there's only love. The two other ingredients are missing. I do try to trust him despite the fact that he has cheated on me.
Then, I realized that love isn't enough to make a relationship survive. Now, I want more respect, attention and care. I may have wasted four years but I don't regret it, for without those four years I would not have seen my worth. Without him I would have not known that a woman has to be treated like a gift that a man has been waiting for.
The wedding has been called off and my relationship has ended. Joe, it hurts to let go of something you have loved for a long time but deep in my heart I know this is the best way to find myself. Before, I was scared to be alone but now I know that being alone doesn't make me less of a person. That will carry me through this pain, until I find love again or should I say, until I find true love for the first time.
Sincerely,
Allyna
Thank you for letting us into a very meaningful part of your life. We have learned important lessons from it.
It is always easy to say that we can love unconditionally without having to expect anything from someone we love. But the truth is, loving unconditionally is very difficult. Love can drive us to a point where we start not to care about anything but just loving a person, in spite of his or her infidelity, insensitivity or lack of respect to what we feel. But there is always a limit to our sacrifices. No matter how we try to become insensitive to how someone treats us, we always come to a point where we expect appreciation, respect and acknowledgement. There may only be a few who would be able to give love unconditionally without having the need to be recognized.
There are many small things in a relationship that mean a lot to women. Things that men do not give so much meaning to actually matter to their partners. Being sensitive to the needs of the people we love is very important. We constantly have to make an extra effort to make others feel that they are important to us and the small things they do are appreciated. The greatness of a relationship is built on the foundation of small acts of kindness, love and compassion.
Trust is also very important. But the sad fact is, every time it is broken, only a few give themselves the chance to trust again and give their partners an opportunity to redeem themselves. We all make mistakes and in love, there should always be room for forgiveness and acceptance. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. We all have to live with the imperfection of our partners.
Let us always remember: In the end it is not how much love we have received that would count, but how much love we have given and how much more we are willing to give even without the promise of earning it back.
