It's back!

i'm moving back to MALDITAH.COM ! i fixed it! with the help of those wonderful people of course. so just visit me there :) byyyyeeee!

I MISS HOME!

my blog home that is! i screwed up my malditah.com WP account, i'm still trying to fix it if i can.. if anyone can help, i would truly appreciate it. myyyy! i'm so frustrated trying to fix it. i've put so much into that WP already! i also have some saved entries that are meant for me to read, some private journals. arrrgghhh. waaaa i hope i can still fix it! i'm so gonna cry if ever i can't get it back to what it was before. waaaaaaaaaaaaa.

so for now, i'll be blogging here. i hope this won't be permanent! :(

*to my multiply contacts, if you're seeing this, that's because all my posts from my blogger account is imported to my multiply blog*

I Belong To Me.

I Belong To Me
Jessica Simpson

Oh yeah

It's not that I dont wanna share my life with you baby
It's just that I'm the one I need to be true to baby
And I won't give up me to be part of you
It's not that I dont want to have you in my life baby
it's just you gotta know that its got to be right baby
before I open up my heart to you
I dont need somebody to complete me
I complete myslef
nobody has got to belong to somebody else

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
my heart is my posession
I'll be my own reflection
I belong to me
I'm one not half of two
and if you're gonna love me
you should know this baby
I belong to me

I gota let you know before I let you in baby
that who I am is not about who I am with baby
That don't mean I dont wanna be here with you
I do

I dont need somebody to complete me
I want you to know I give all my love but
I'm not givin' all my soul

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
my heart is my posession
I'll be my own reflection
I belong to me
I'm one not half of two
and if you're gonna love me
you should know this baby
I belong to me

Oh yeah

Love don't mean changin who you are to be
who somebody wants you to be
nobody has got to belong to nobody

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
my heart is my posession
I'll be my own reflection

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
my heart is my posession
I'll be my own reflection

I belong to me
I'm one not half of two,
and if your gonna love me
you should know this baby
I belong to me

Single Life.

i'm loving it but i'm also hating it. do i make sense? i dunno anymore.

i've learned

i’ve been learning a lot of things about life, love, myself, my family, friends & loved ones lately.. from everything that’s been going on, i don’t regret experiencing them coz i’m learning a lot… i’ve learned that:

• you can’t make your world revolve around one person only, because when that person’s gone, it’ll feel like your world crashed on you
• no matter how many arguments you had with your family, no matter how much you hate each other sometimes, they’ll always be there for you & love you, no matter what, no questions asked
• true friends doesn’t have to ask why, they’ll just be there, beside you, your shoulder to cry on or even just to give you company or make you smile
• no matter how much advices you get from everyone, it’s only you, yourself who really knows the right thing for you & what can make you happy
• no matter how wrong your decision could be sometimes, your friends will be there to support you
• friends can be lovers & lovers can be friends, even best of friends
• love isn’t always enough
• if you truly love each other, even if you’re no longer together, the love won’t fade away, it might change, but it won’t be forgotten or it won’t just fade away
• quote “when two people are meant to be together, it doesn’t mean they’re meant to be together NOW“
• quote “Don’t focus on what you lost. but what remains… Don’t focus on the pain,
  but on how the pain is shaping your character. Don’t focus on the failure, but on the great lessons learned.”
• another quote “Loving someone means you only want the best for him. even if it means swallowing the sad reality, that the best just isn’t you.“
• & lastly, before you can truly love someone else, you have to learn to love yourself even more
• 
  

yet another Joe d' Mango story..

Joe d’ Mango’s love story

Three fridays ago, our guru on relationships, Joe d mango, read a letter to his wife on his popular radio program Love Notes. For the past 11 years, he had been giving advice to people who would write him letters about their personal problems. To the surprise of his listeners that friday, instead of reading one of his usual letters, he read one that he had written himself to his wife Bing. Joe felt that he had to tell his listeners that even someone like him could go through a marital crisis, but that he survived it.

Here’s how his letter goes.
In our 11 years of marriage it was just the two of us. I never had a close circle of friends and she never had one either. Life for us was just “you and me,” day in and day out. We were literally sleeping beside each other for 11 years. It came to point that there was nothing more interesting to talk about. I was aware I was doing that but I never did anything about it. We were so close yet it seemed like we were so distant. Then came her new circle of friends.

They recently had an elementary and high school reunion. Remember her persistent suitor since elementary days? He was there. We already had four daughters and the guy had four kids of his own. They exchanged phone numbers. They started to text each other and this bothered me. a big part of it was insecurity and other part was that she once denied that she was texting the guy. I felt bad because she started hiding things from me. Then the guy asked her if they could meet for lunch. It became a source of tension between us. I finally agreed, but before that, I told her that I felt that I was going through the same pain again.

I have seen so many stories like this. If you told me the first part of the story I would already know where it would lead to. Bing accused me of being a “know-it-all” person. But deep in my heart I knew where she was heading. Why would a married guy see a married girl unless it was for business or professional reasons? Finally, even if it was against my will, I drove her to the meeting place. While I was waiting at the radio station, I wanted to call her but knew it wasn’t proper. So I just waited for her to tell me how their meeting went. When she related to me what happened I felt that she was keeping the other details. I was afraid to ask because I wasn’t prepared to accept her answers. I told her that it would be best if that was their last meeting. She got mad and told me that I was starting to control her life.

The following day, I saw a small, torn piece of paper that had the words, “lose you” in the trash can at home. I started picking up the pieces of paper and putting them together. She had written: “Felt sad because I felt that this will be our last meeting.” “Wanted to hug you…” Before I could figure out what the third one was, Bing was already at my back. She wanted to get the torn pieces of paper back. She said it was private property. We decided to talk. By then, I was able to figure out the third line: “Not sure if afraid to lose you.” She had crossed it out and beside it, she had written, “Wanted to cry.” That was what hit me. How could you lose something that’s not even with you yet? That was a confirmation that she was getting emotionally attached to the guy. We fought because she didn’t want to admit it. She said that what she had written was all about friendship and not about love. For the first time in our marriage she asked for freedom from me. For 11 years we were always together, and now this. She had discovered her own little world and wanted to explore it. I didn’t want to give it to her but finally I gave in. I told her that she could do anything she wanted and not worry about how I would feel. In fact, I told her that I was planning to leave her and kids for a while so we could give each other the chance to be alone.

We decided to give the new arrangement a try. The following day, Thursday, I went to work early and she texted me. I never answered back. When I didn’t respond, she called me. She said, “I’m sorry. I love you and I miss you.” For the first time in our mariage I said, “I love you and I miss you too” with tears in my eyes. I realized how much I loved her but I also knew how much she wanted her freedom. When I arrived at the station I asked for a leave. My boss advised me to think it over, but he said that he would allow me to go on leave. After letting it all out I felt relieved. It was the first time in my life that I asked for advice about our relationship.

While I was talking with my boss, a messenger arrived with 12 white roses arranged in a basket. It came from Bing. Then a text message on my cellphone came, “I know that no material things can ease the pain that you’re feeling right now, but these flowers signify my pure and sincere intentions. I’m really sorry. Please forgive me.” Still, a question continued to bug me: “I’m giving you the freedom. Will you choose to stay or go on?” I read the card, and it had the answer to my question: “Dear Dad, I finally realized that I made a very big mistake in choosing a newfound friendship at the expense of our long-time friendship. Please forgive me. I wil always love you.”
Bing called the guy and told him that she wanted to end the friendship. He said that they could just text or call each other. Bing said that there was no need. We had dinner and talked up to 1 am. It was like getting married all over again. We lost each other and found our way back. I do not want to go through the same pain again.

Friday came and it was the first time in the history of Love Notes that I couldn’t do Love Notes. I scheduled a replay. When I was at the station at 9am, I composed a letter to Bing. I was asking myself, should I read this or do a replay? I chose to read the letter. It is not unusual to hear people say “I love you because…,” but this story has shown us that the deeper and greater love is having to say “I LOVE YOU IN SPITE OF…”

---

"When I lost you, I was the one who loved you the most. But between us you are the one who lost more...For someday I can love someone the way that I loved you...But you will never be loved again the way that I did."

---

Love Isn't Always Enough

Dear Joe,

I've always wondered about what I really wanted. Being in a relationship for four years now, I thought I couldn't ask for more.

Joe, I have been the perfect girlfriend all this time. Until that fine evening when, in the middle of dinner, he blurted out "Will you marry me?" It felt like everything was falling into place. Of course, I said yes.

So, we went on with the planning, but as we moved on from the wedding date to the place and reception, somebody suddenly woke me from my dream-and my fairytale turned into a nightmare.

My boyfriend is a very responsible man. He is sweet and I'm sure that he loves me. But I'm just not sure if he loves me all that much. For years I have been convincing myself that he is the one, though my friends and close relatives told me that he's not good enough for me. He's cheated on me thrice and even left me once when he thought that he was falling in love with another woman. In the end, he went back to me and I immediately accepted him with open arms. There was this one time when a close colleague asked me, "What was the sweetest thing your boyfriend has ever done for you?" Believe it or not, I still have no answer to that question.

Joe, they say a relationship requires three main ingredients-respect, trust and love. In my relationship there's only love. The two other ingredients are missing. I do try to trust him despite the fact that he has cheated on me.

Then, I realized that love isn't enough to make a relationship survive. Now, I want more respect, attention and care. I may have wasted four years but I don't regret it, for without those four years I would not have seen my worth. Without him I would have not known that a woman has to be treated like a gift that a man has been waiting for.

The wedding has been called off and my relationship has ended. Joe, it hurts to let go of something you have loved for a long time but deep in my heart I know this is the best way to find myself. Before, I was scared to be alone but now I know that being alone doesn't make me less of a person. That will carry me through this pain, until I find love again or should I say, until I find true love for the first time.

Sincerely,
Allyna

Allyna,

Thank you for letting us into a very meaningful part of your life. We have learned important lessons from it.

It is always easy to say that we can love unconditionally without having to expect anything from someone we love. But the truth is, loving unconditionally is very difficult. Love can drive us to a point where we start not to care about anything but just loving a person, in spite of his or her infidelity, insensitivity or lack of respect to what we feel. But there is always a limit to our sacrifices. No matter how we try to become insensitive to how someone treats us, we always come to a point where we expect appreciation, respect and acknowledgement. There may only be a few who would be able to give love unconditionally without having the need to be recognized.

There are many small things in a relationship that mean a lot to women. Things that men do not give so much meaning to actually matter to their partners. Being sensitive to the needs of the people we love is very important. We constantly have to make an extra effort to make others feel that they are important to us and the small things they do are appreciated. The greatness of a relationship is built on the foundation of small acts of kindness, love and compassion.

Trust is also very important. But the sad fact is, every time it is broken, only a few give themselves the chance to trust again and give their partners an opportunity to redeem themselves. We all make mistakes and in love, there should always be room for forgiveness and acceptance. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. We all have to live with the imperfection of our partners.

Let us always remember: In the end it is not how much love we have received that would count, but how much love we have given and how much more we are willing to give even without the promise of earning it back.

update.

i haven't blogged here since last month. forgot all about it coz i have my official blog @ www.malditah.com . so if you don't see me here, you know where to find me :D

crazy week

-it's been a crazy week for me.. too busy to stay online long.. missing it!

chillin.

- i'm here @ my mom's.. i'm gonna take advantage & go to the forums, both in kilig & sosyal :) i'll blog when i get home.. i had a crazy week.. have a good weekend!

re-opened!

i am back! lolz. i am reopening this blog site. as if anybody cares?! mwahahahha